Saturday, September 18, 2010
My nose is twitching. There's a carrot being dangled in front of my face. Of course I'm intrigued. It's not just any root vegetable tantalizingly swinging back and forth; this is a very large, very juicy carrot, of the variety that up 'til now I've only fantasized about. I want it, I want it badly. I want it so much that it forces me to take a hop backwards, because it's only then that I remember that I can't want it too badly. Wanting things can lead to disappointment, which everyone knows is on par with a fiery death and must be avoided at all costs. My fluffy mind says that it's doomed to fail, based simply on the fact that I want it. It's a mutated sense of self preservation that's kicking in; that's telling me that this is has to be a trap.
I want to rabbit. I want to run and run. I want to do anything to keep myself safe from the possibility of pain. It doesn't matter that there's a possibility of success, that there isn't necessarily a trapper on the other side of this meal, waiting to bash my head in and make a profit by attaching my hind leg to a keychain. I'm so afraid of failure that first instinct is to find a dark hidey hole, continue living off of patches of grass and pretend that I never saw it. That this carrot never came into my life and tempted me for even just a moment.
This is of course, foolish and irrational behavior as well as unhealthy. After all, I can't be a scared rabbit forever. I'm putting myself out there into the wilderness, it's only natural that other animals would take notice. If doom should befall me, at least it will be of my own making. But doom isn't going to fall on my floppy eared head, because I know that a little bit of disappointment ain't gonna kill me, and I can't deny myself what could be oodles of happiness (what unit of measurement would that be, anyway?) in order to protect myself from some hypothetical discomfort which, according to the big picture, would only last a short amount of time.
Knowing all of that still doesn't stop the urge, but it helps me talk it down a bit. I'm going for it. This carrot is going to be worth it; I've spent far too long wishing for one just like it. Hell, I might even push aside my paranoia just long enough to enjoy the crunchy orange goodness. I need to spend my life enjoying the good, trusting the good and not allowing any pretend scenarios to put a damper on my feast. Carrots are flying my way, and I plan on taking pleasure in every single one.